


In The Mind Of Will Graham

by thealpacalypse



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Internal Monologue, Mental Breakdown, set during late S1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-05
Updated: 2014-05-05
Packaged: 2018-01-22 01:22:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1570760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealpacalypse/pseuds/thealpacalypse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's an endless chaos of thoughts going on in Will Graham's head at night, in the moments between dreaming and waking. But all these thoughts revolve around one thing: Who is he?</p>
<p>'Some people are afraid to forget who they really are.<br/>Some are afraid to find out.<br/>I am both.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Mind Of Will Graham

It is 3.30 am. I am in Wolf Trap, Virginia and my name is Will Graham.  
  
When I lie in bed at night I don't sleep. Instead I go to a different place, where there's time and sense and all the other things I can't find when I'm awake.   
My dreams, they horrify me. Or are they dreams? Maybe they're just as real as everything else around me, or just as unreal.  
  
Where do you find your mind when you lose it?  
  
The endless downfall of not knowing who I am is painted in the soft layer of sweat on my skin. I feel like I shape myself into all these people to get to know myself, but by doing it I'm getting farther and farther from being myself. From being anyone. Or maybe I am too many people with too many broken minds in my head and too much suffering about being broken.  
  
If anyone ever asks me if it hurts – going crazy – I can say 'no', at least for myself. My head hurts, yes, every part of my body hurts because I can't sleep and not sleeping hurts, but. The going crazy part doesn't hurt at all. Because I can't feel anything. How could I when I'm not anyone?   
I'm numb.  
  
There's this part of me, a dark corner somewhere, where there are still memories of who I was and what. Trying to reach out to that part, so small and fragile, sucks all the life out of me. And between being someone and having some life to live left, I choose life. I have the feeling that I regret that.  
  
 _I._  
I still talk about myself as if I existed, although it doesn't feel like it.  
My name is Will Graham.  
There are dogs living in my house, but they are not mine, they're just strays.  
Even a girl who thinks she's already dead is more alive than me.  
There are people. A hopeless affection. A rough man refusing to believe in my insanity. A journalist seeing me for what I am before everyone else did. A worried woman. And there's the one trying to help me, but it feels like he's the one who destroys me.   
  
Hannibal.  
It's like I hear his voice through the mist, but I don't know where I am, nor can I place where he is and even though he can see me, I can't see him. Therefore I'm just as lost as I would be alone. Maybe even more so, because I don't understand why I feel like he gets me and still isn't able to help me.  
Who should he help when there's no  _me_  left to be saved?  
  
Is there?  
Anything left, I mean.  
How could I be conscious otherwise?  
Although I'm not sure if I'm conscious right now.  
Am I?  
  
I close my eyes just to blink, but when I open them again, I'm somewhere else. At Hannibal's office. In the woods. At a crime scene, being someone else who eats up all the space in my head.  
  
Letting them inside my head is letting them feast off my soul. They're all cannibals, just like Garrett Jacob Hobbs, but there's no mercy in them killing me. Maybe that's why he haunts me most – because I killed him, and he was the sane one.  
  
I blink again and it's his face I see when I look in the mirror. I don't see myself, because he consumed me fully. What do I look like? How do I feel like? Other than drifting and lost, I don't remember.  
  
The sun goes up.  
It is 8 am in Wolf Trap, Virginia and I don't know who I am. 


End file.
